St. Patrick's Day, celebrated on March 17, is a day to celebrate one's Irish pride. There is a multitude of clean jokes available to be shared throughout this "green" holiday season.
An Irish Reunion
An Irishman named Kevin and an American tourist named Clint are sitting in the bar at Cork Airport drinking Guinness pints. "I've come to meet my brother," Kevin explains to Clint. "He should be here in an hour from Chicago. It's his first trip back to Ireland in nearly 40 years."
Clint asks: "Will you be able to recognize him since you have not seen him for so long?" "I'm sure I won't," Kevin says. "I wonder if he will even recognize you" Clint says. "Of course he will; I haven't been away from Ireland at all," Kevin says.
The Late Wife
A man named O'Callaghan was getting increasingly angry at his wife and shouted upstairs to her. "Hurry up or we will be late for our reservation." "Oh, hush your mouth, O'Callaghan," she said. "Haven't I told you I would be ready in a minute for the last hour?"
A pregnant Dublin woman is involved in a car collision and falls into a coma. She stays asleep for nearly six months. When she finally wakes up, she finds she is no longer pregnant and is frantic to speak to a doctor. The doctor explains that she had twins, a boy and a girl and that her brother from Cork came in to name them for her. "Oh no," she thought, "My brother is an idiot!" She asked the doctor what her baby girl's name is. He replied, "Denise." She asked him what her baby boy's name is. He replied, "Denephew."
Drinking and Driving
A rabbi and an Irish priest collide in an automobile accident. They get out of their cars, and both stumble to the side of the road. The rabbi says: "Oy Vey. What a mess!" The priest replies with "Are you all right?" The priest then pulls out a flask from his coat and offers a drink to the rabbi to calm his nerves. The rabbi takes the flask and drinks all of it. "What are we going to tell the police?" he says. The priest says, "Well, I don't know what you're going to tell them now, but I'm going to tell them I wasn't the one drinking tonight."